In Which I Explain Why Rocks Are People Too, And Indeed Lucky Ones At That.

okay, we'll take it in small steps. prepare to be patronized.
- Step One: You Think, Therefore You Are
you'll admit that you exist. are conscious, sentient, possessing a soul or whatever, a real person for whatever that's worth. good.
- Two: Stepping Past Solipsism
you walk up to another living human being. you say hi, they greet you in turn. despite a complete lack of reliable evidence, you assume they're a real person like you. there's someone inside that meatpuppet who's experiencing what happens to it.
- Three: Beyond Christian Dogma
watch a cat stretch after a nice nap. stretch and yaawhn. looks like it feels good, right? mmmmmm, stretch. consider for a moment that if you took your human brain and peeled off that wrinkly outer layer you'd be left with something very similar in size, shape and structure to a cat's brain. your cat may not ponder theoretical abstractions much, but they certainly possess all the necessary neurons to enjoy the hell out of a good stretch. so forget that thing about only humans having a soul for a second, and consider the possibility that when you see a cat stretch, there's someone inside that cat enjoying it. easy.
-Four: Science-Fiction
ever fall asleep with your eyes open, driving down the highway? jerk awake and dimly recall mile after mile going by without registering any impression, and the mechanical process of lines on the road entering your eyeballs and hands on the wheel keeping the lines straight in front of you. it's a little like being a robot. electrical connections between an optical input, some (relatively) simple circuitry, and muscular output in a preprogrammed manner. you're not actually aware of any of it, but in some very dim and fleeting way you're conscious of it. the computer you're sitting at is running programs in a very similar manner. it's even modelled after our own minds, with an unconscious OS keeping things going, subconscious programs running in the background and here in the conscious foreground the thing you're paying attention to: this rambling bullshit. your computer even knows things, and can answer questions. right now, mine is telling me what a French techno band called Air sounds like. So maybe, in a sleepy, semi-conscious sort of way, your computer is someone too, even if it doesn't know it.
-Five: Zen
learn to meditate. get really good at it, and find out what it's like when your entire mind and body are perfectly still and quiet. for now, just pretend you can imagine what that's like, or at least admit that it's possible and someone's done it before. now think about a plant. when light shines on its leaves, it photosynthesizes. when its roots contact nutrients in the soil, they absorb them. it grows according to the pattern of its DNA. plants don't need a centralized intelligence because every part of them operates automatically according to the laws of chemistry and physics. they just sit and thrive. compare this to the zen thing i mentioned. consider the metaphor.
-Six: Stone Metaphysics
a rock is an object. you are an object. you have many moving parts. a rock has none. perhaps think of the zen thing, multiplied by infinity. or a dead guy who leaves an inanimate object behind and is propelled into the realm of unfiltered existence. or maybe just the unremembered darkness of dreamless sleep. in any case, the rock is being there, or it wouldn't be there. when you're being somewhere, however you happen to be being, you are nonetheless there, being. the same goes for the rock. even if the passed-out drunk doesn't care if you kick him, he's still probably someone.

if anyone is still unconvinced that rocks are people, please let me know. trying to convey this idea has become sort of a hobby of mine. i like a challenge.