If you're bored, I'll find something for you to do.

find a mirror. one you can make horizontal. do so. get a spray bottle. mist the mirror with water. get some ink, like outside of a pen. put it on a toothbrush. lightly splatter ink on the mirror. let everything dry. repeat, preferably with different colors and patterns of water and shit. never use any other mirror to shave.

distribute doomsday-prophesizing helium balloons to the public. smile alot.

find fifteen interesting objects and permanently affix them in interesting places. we recommend superglue, 30-second epoxy and propane plumbers torches for a fast but strong attachment with a minimum of fuss.

meet someone new. convince them you're someone entirely else than who you actually are. invite them to social gatherings and see what kind of fun misunderstandings occur.

create a blog. occassionally fill it with non sequitur and pointlessness for the dubious benefit of a non-existent audience. don't steal my 'content'.

become a pop phenomenon. why not?

study occultism, esoterica (not erotica, although that won't hurt either), quantum theory, cultural anthropology, religion and philosophy, mysticism and drug abuse. attempt to make contact with an alternate dimension or achieve apotheosis. if you get tired, start your own religion and get rich.

save alot of bother and kill yourself. maybe there's something happening in the next life.

you think you've got problems

i once heard about a guy who got herpes on his eyelids.

Your seven-year-old nephew could paint this shit.

But you couldn't.

He was also right about politics being boring, saturday morning cartoons and whatever the hell it was he saw that time no one believed him. Listen to the kid sometime, really.

Anyway, i'm starting to think we should all just paint something orange and dissolve it in a bucket of lye to absolve ourselves from our sins. Then we can be satisfied that anyone who drinks our sins will really hate it, and we can get on with our frivolous little lives in peace. There's really not enough respect given to the everyday misfit, pariah and maniac. Most of the gently disturbed would really prefer to just go about their miserable business without having to deal with evangelists or those people who know how many muscles they use to smile. If there wasn't such a drug problem in this country, we could probably just medicate ourselves into some form of functionality, but somehow our interstate highway system seems not to be put to effective use.
C'est la vie.

life on other planets...

...is difficult.

Set something on fire for a better tomorrow or something.

You may have noticed: if it isn't one thing, it's another.
We've always got troubles. As soon as one thing is fixed, something else has broken. Factor in the stuff that requires constant upkeep and the fixed stuff that's actually still broken after all, and it's no wonder people are always so stressed out. From the individual up to societies and the species itself, we're always putting out fires.
So my suggestion is: Relax. Take a more Zen look at the whole thing. Be a little playful. Solve a problem with lasers. Tricky? So what? The problem's not going away while you figure it out. Can't be done? No worries. There's plenty of other problems that maybe lasers will work on. Go find one, maybe, or try rubber bands instead. Whatever. We seem to have a completely inexhaustible supply of problems; it's no big deal if you screw a few up trying something new.

It's just like they told you in elementary school: There's no such thing as a problem, only opportunities. Opportunities to shoot stuff with lasers, or clone crazy monsters, or stay up all night building a contraption that was designed on a badly stained bar napkin. You could be doing any one of these possibly more interesting or entertaining things instead of plonking away at the same boring problems in the same boring ways.
Why aren't you?

...in which i reveal myself to be a lousy hippy.

Okay, here's one to start with. Which is a bigger problem in the world, starvation or drug abuse? This is a question that needs answering: until we get our priorities straight (or at least vaguely defined) we're never going to make much progress at anything. I mean, it's no wonder the dolphins beat us back into the sea, but that's something else entirely.
So starvation has always been something of a problem. People die of it, there's no cure except food, and for some reason we don't have enough of that for everyone. People starve to death all the time, all over the world. Humans. Tiny little sparks of divinity, some think. People in any case.
Then there's drug abuse. This has also been around as long as humans have. People have been eating and smoking and otherwise getting messed up on various chemicals since the dawn of time. Some of them are bad for you.
Now we come to the issue at hand: If you're an American, you stand in the interesting position of funding a very large prison system which spends alot of money keeping people who do drugs out of their jobs and in a box where they can't do anything. This is where our philosophical/ethical/economic question comes in: Is it better to spend that money on keeping drug offenders in jail, or on feeding the starving? If one considers the economic impact of keeping otherwise productive people in jail, of opening huge new markets of what were once impoverished people, and of all the money left over afterwards (I don't know or care what the numbers are, but if Sally Struthers can feed starving children with just pennies a day, everyone we let out of jail should be worth a few hundred hungry kids, and we've got alot of people in jail.) even the most materialistic among us would probably agree that feeding the starving is a better way to spend money than keeping drug offenders in jail, however vile it may be to share an economy with people who ingest different chemicals than oneself.

Which is why I'm pro-abortion.

It's not just stupid

It's real stupid.
I made myself a blog, to combat the times. To make a difference. To split infinitives.
What I realized is that everything everyone says is stupid, and what I've learned is that quibbling over degrees is for the anal-retentive, the obsessive-compulsive, the uptight and also people who enjoy lying to themselves.
So what I figure is if I approach issues with the open-minded curiosity of a child, analyze them with the cold objectivity of a scientist, consider every possible point of a view like a schizophrenic, subject my findings to the whims of a stoned sculptor, present them backwards like Yoda and defend them with the relentlessness of an idiot, I should come up with something that so cunningly cuts to the heart of these said issues that it'll piss off absolutely anyone who hears it, regardless of personal philosophy, political affiliation or degree of laid-backness.
I could say that by doing this, I intend to draw attention to how nonsensical conventional thinking is, and somehow blow everyone's minds into being able to see how goofy they look from where I am.
But even I'm not that stupid. I've learned from history. I know about the Dadaists, and Timothy Leary and Jesus and everyone else who ever tried to make people think, and I'm fully aware that if you can't already see it, showing it to you is going to be unexciting at best.

No, I just kinda enjoy bothering people.