week of school

very soon it will be my last summer ever. i've got a chemistry test next week, and a history exam and a philosophy paper the week after, but first i have to create some sort of video of something for performance art. also, karaoke next thursday instead of class.
so am i teaching myself the chemistry from all the lectures i skipped? am i reading the two fucking novels i'm supposed to have read for history? am i filming the footage i'll need to stop-motion animate my toilet picking on me for smoking too much?
no, i'm playing Xenosaga. it's a fantastic game, Konami's contribution to the Final Fantasy-tyle RPG. it's all about nanomachines and Gnosticism. imagine humans with spaceships and robots trying to wage war on God, and you'll see why this seems more interesting than school.
meanwhile i'm trying to make a little money making t-shirts with horrible things on them, growing psychoactive plants and indulging in self-destructive behavior.
eventually i'll finish going insane and won't have to put up with this awkward in-between shit anymore.

I Saw It On The Interblag

i've learned more from the internet than from 17 years of school, my parents, the church, the government, TV, movies, girls and drugs combined. that's saying alot, since i know some stuff about some things, if i may say so myself, which i am logically unqualified to do. anyway, i wanted to share the most disturbing thing the internet has taught me since i was probably 13 or so.
I'm the victim of genital mutilation.
so is every other guy who is circumcisized. according to some survey quoted on wikipedia, 83% of men born in the 80s were circumcisized, which by some coincidence is both the year and decade i was born. anyway, i never thought anything about it until i read some study the other night about the effect of male circumcision on women's experience of sex. according to it, i should be pissed. (my girlfriend, too) whether or not the tiny sample group accurately represents women in general and their relationship to cut vs. uncut penises, there's a really basic fact which had simply never occured to me: i had a big chunk of my dick chopped off, and i don't even remember what it was like before. that's pretty crappy, when you put it like that. then you think about it some more: that wasn't just a flap of skin, it had nerve endings. alot of them. like, most of them, all the super-sensitive fine-touch kind. i defintely wanted those, or at least i assume i did. i dunno what it'd be like to have them. c'est la vie, i suppose.

knee-jerk political correctness disclaimer: victims of female genital mutilation suffer vastly more, and while i'm kinda pissed about missing out on having one of my body parts, i feel really really bad about the shit they do to women in some parts of the world. to illustrate: i assume it was my parents' decision that this happened to me, and i don't hold it against them. by contrast, i feel a great deal of anger towards the bastards who torture and mutilate women.

Out of Curiosity

i was exhaling a cloud of smoke and listening to Clapton play "Tears in Heaven" when i started wondering. so i hit next on winamp (it's got 48.6 gigs on shuffle right now) cause i was tired of how slow that song is and decided to wonder my wondering to the teeny tiny audience which is the internet. i'm referring, of course, to that portion of the internet which pays attention to me.
so what i was wondering is, how does the whole heaven thing treat the issue of loved ones?
i'm thinking here specificly of christianity, about which i know very little, except that it's mostly expressed in terms of absolutes. heaven is absolutely awesome, for example, and hell is absolutely lame. god's not just good, he defines it, and so on. so what i'm wondering, specificly, is what happens when people who love each other end up sent to different places? can heaven really be perfect for eternity when you know the love of your (fleeting) life is roasting in hell? or maybe you don't believe in hell. i hear some people believe in one but not the other. i don't know what the alternative to heaven is in that case, but apparently not everyone gets in or there'd be no reason not to sin. anyway, maybe it's better just to ask how heaven can be so great if you miss your guy/girl, and if you don't miss them, then why not?
if the internet can't tell me (or doesn't bother to) i guess i can ask Cargill. politics and religion, eech. oh well. could be sex and death.

Apologies

for the whiney shit that's been showing up lately.
i needed to get laid pretty bad.